Crunch Time...going to be all over soon

Well its only a few more weeks till I am coming back to Canada. I first have to get all this school stuff done and then I am really done. I am coming home May 15th and will be there until August and then I come back to Vegas for my second year. For now I am still coming back but you never know...you know me! But I am applying for an apartment to live in next year withJessie and Richard. Yeah roomies again! That means I get free massages again...hahaha YES!

Well I have to say that these last few weeks have sucked quite a bit and I am not feeling my greatest but I have enjoyed some things lately. But right now I am just getting back into the water with the team since my nose got broken and I am getting killed. I am really tired even right now, resting my wrists on the keyboard and typing very slowly...so unlike me! I also am kinda dreading going back home because I have to leave everyone here and for so long too! I am really going to miss Jonas as well (go figure). I have always been a non-believer of long-distance relationships and so far my reasons have been backed up by witnessing other couples struggle through it. Now I find myself in one and I am freaking out. I am totally willing to try because it s not for a huge extended amount of time but still I know things happen and even then smallest issues get blown out of proportion and then fights are inevitable. I know I sound like I am expecting the worse...but this is me being positive about it! Poor Jonas though...he seems very willing not to give up on me so I at least owe him a full effort attempt. So my fun college life is going to end here soon but hey that means I am back in Canada where you don't have to phone me international anymore! Can't wait to see you all!

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

Phobia

Why does one thing always stay with you for the rest of your life? Like you were burnt once and you never play with fire again. Or you fell that time you were learning to ride a bike, so you never touch one...why can't we get past obstacles like that in our lives? Some people dvelope serious phobias because of past experiences that scared them into never wanting to experience it again. I feel I have such a phobia but may not be classified as that to others. To respect my privacy I won't say exactly what it is but I just want to vent my frustration of why I can't beat this phobia. This phobia haunts me and every word and/or action taken. I don't ever know if I'm over-reacting, as you see the people on the talk shows crying over fear of kittens, or if I really have a reason to be upset and defensive. Sometimes its justified and other times its not. The other times its not, I rationalize it so I know it is justified and okay for me to act liek that. I don't want to eb the stupid person who doesn't learn their lesson. Why am I going to be the dumb dutch boy with their finger stuck in the dam because I don't know any better. I will not stand for that and I avoid every possible circumtance or weasel my way out of them when they are brought up.
Tonight I was confronted with my fear, again. This happens a lot lately due to my choice of lifestyle. Its a double edged sword and I wish it wasn't so appealing and this one for sure is a tragic one. But tonight it all came screeching to a hault as I sat thinking that my choice has become the phobia I hate. I trust and then it sneaks up on me. Or does it? I never know if its a genuine thing until I feel its too late and I can't do anything with out it all ending in a lose-lose situation.
I know anyone who does read this may think I am a knob, but if I told you my phobia, or my background, it would click in one second. But it could even work with any one elses phobis and leaving it as a blank people can substitute their own into it and feel they have common ground with me. Either way the emotions and feelings are the same and thats where it counts. The reality of it to the person...the reality that it exists and is harmful to that person.