Phobia

Why does one thing always stay with you for the rest of your life? Like you were burnt once and you never play with fire again. Or you fell that time you were learning to ride a bike, so you never touch one...why can't we get past obstacles like that in our lives? Some people dvelope serious phobias because of past experiences that scared them into never wanting to experience it again. I feel I have such a phobia but may not be classified as that to others. To respect my privacy I won't say exactly what it is but I just want to vent my frustration of why I can't beat this phobia. This phobia haunts me and every word and/or action taken. I don't ever know if I'm over-reacting, as you see the people on the talk shows crying over fear of kittens, or if I really have a reason to be upset and defensive. Sometimes its justified and other times its not. The other times its not, I rationalize it so I know it is justified and okay for me to act liek that. I don't want to eb the stupid person who doesn't learn their lesson. Why am I going to be the dumb dutch boy with their finger stuck in the dam because I don't know any better. I will not stand for that and I avoid every possible circumtance or weasel my way out of them when they are brought up.
Tonight I was confronted with my fear, again. This happens a lot lately due to my choice of lifestyle. Its a double edged sword and I wish it wasn't so appealing and this one for sure is a tragic one. But tonight it all came screeching to a hault as I sat thinking that my choice has become the phobia I hate. I trust and then it sneaks up on me. Or does it? I never know if its a genuine thing until I feel its too late and I can't do anything with out it all ending in a lose-lose situation.
I know anyone who does read this may think I am a knob, but if I told you my phobia, or my background, it would click in one second. But it could even work with any one elses phobis and leaving it as a blank people can substitute their own into it and feel they have common ground with me. Either way the emotions and feelings are the same and thats where it counts. The reality of it to the person...the reality that it exists and is harmful to that person.